[-[x]un` !]

.Saturday, April 4, 2009 ' 2:29 PM

& your love is all i ever wanted

Well well, too long never post, shall update abit.

Today woke up at 6am+ and went for a walk around my neighbourhood. Came up and at 8.40am, went to Teochew Hui Guan at Geylang area to bai my grandparents as today is Qing Ming Jie. Still, i can't really hold back my tears. But hey, does that mean that life can't go on without them? So yeah, hang around the hui guan around 1hour+ before setting off to my grandparents' house as my 2nd Aunt is cooking lunch for all of us. Ate till 12noon like that and went home, took a short nap.

Since young, whenever there's a short or long holiday, I sure will go to my grandparents' house to have a small stay at their house = ] My Teochew is learned from my grandmother as she only understand and speaks in Teochew to all of us. I'm the first grandchildren that able to communicate with my grandmother that's why my grandparents dote me lots. As I grew older each year, although i don't regularly stay at their house when there's holidays, i will visit them once every fortnight to joy them up xD

Every 1st, 15th and 27th of lunar calendar, will accompany my grandmother and mum to Guang Ming Shan to bai bai. As years goes by, her legs getting weaker, so we told her that we will help her on behalf to pray. Just last year Chinese New Year, we insisted on going back to her home country, China, to celebrate with her brothers and sisters there. We afraid that she can't take it cause her health was really quite weak then. Who knows, she made it, and was very happy there for 5days and on the 6th day, she can't get up of her bed and also can't even talk properly.Then my 2nd Uncle went to book tickets to return back to Singapore on the 7th day.

Reached and straight sent to SGH. Finally she woke up the next day and able to talk to us. We take turns to visit her everyday. From her devoted husband to her filial children and grandchildren to a last min hired maid we will always have one to accompany her till the visiting time is over = ] Her health neither improving nor deproving. Hospitalised in SGH for 68days and she's fine to go back home. After 2 weeks, she had a fever and now we sent her to TTSH. Same, we take turns to visit her. 52days in TTSH. Last week of her stay, her back suddenly got bloodstain when i visited her. I was very worried, i called my other Uncles and Aunts and parents and the doc too. Doc said, not to worry, there's nothing wrong with it. Then 2 nurse came to help my grandmother to change.

During the days in SGH and TTSH, it were so different. In SGH, she's more lively, always talking to us, know how to joke and scold us when we did things that she don't like. Held her hands, they were warm. In TTSH, she barely talks. She slept alot, sometimes I came for a few hours, she didn't open her eyes. Even I was touching, holding her hands, she didn't have any respond, just like she had lost her sense of touch and her hands were very cold then. Then last week she spent in TTSH, her condition got worst, doctor asked all of us to come down to prepare for the worst in the middle of the night.

We slowly one by one talked and went close to her when she was awake. From the oldest in the family to the youngest. Yes, till my turn, my grandmother eyes seems to be closing. I was very sad. I kept calling her she just only open one of her eyes. I just can't tear infront of her. I held her hands, then my relatives said, '' chuanxun, go nearer to mama, you are her most doted grandchildren, she sure will have lots of stuffs to tell you, go on. '' I did but all i can hear is her breathing sound. Then I know, it's very fortunate to have her hanging on till then. So i just get off the bed and walk to the lift lobby area where there's seats and sat there, stare blankly.

Was all the while with relatives till the next morning 8am+ where my grandmother suddenly so awake and she said, she don't want to stay in hospital anymore, she wanna go home. Then we darely ask the doctor to discharge her and we will take responsibility if anything happen to my grandmother. For the next 2 weeks at her house, it was very memorable for everyone of us.

She's like back to normal, she's able to walk by herself with her walking stick. Then on the 29th June, she left the world without regrets on her bed, in her very own house. I was working when my mum spam my phone and it's a Sunday, very busy, long Qs. Just nice my supervisor came out to help out, I told her i need to answer a call. Then i return call to my mum and recieved the news that grandmother passed away.

Then i ask my supervisor if i can leave early lucky got someone able to take over me so i'm able to go to my grandmother house... Tears just came out once i saw her. Help out at the wake for 1 week. Totally no mood. Then went to mandai to huo hua. Then her ash container is safely put at the Teochew Hui Guan.

6 months later, on 2nd Jan this year, i woke up at 11.40am as I went to Ecou house on the Eve of New Year ton till 1st Jan 2009 night and slept very late, so know the reason why i will wake up at 11am+ the next day. And we planned to go to grandparents' house to celebrate my brother's birthday. Woke up and went down to buy lunch, came back at around 12.05pm, switch on my com, then a call from my mum at 12.10pm. Picked up and i really got a shock of my life that my grandfather, was so healthy all the while, and suddenly my mum said he passed away.

I quickly finished up my lunch and reached grandparents' house soon after. I just helped out whatever i can do. Don't know why, i still have to settle somethings on 3rd Jan night 11pm+ - 6am+, 4th Jan, when i already not in a mood that my grandfather passed away the day before and i have to settle that which i think is really pointless to have that agruement. I will call you when i want to, it's not like i don't wanna call you alright. Just give me time to acknowledge that both my grandparents are not with me now. And passed away on my brother's birthday and chu bin on my birthday date, 8th Jan. Think that I'm happy?

They were human beings, not a god. They bled like all of us, and what made them more extraordinary were the fact that God gave them extraordinary gifts which they used to their fullest. So instead of being an ignoramus and cursing God, i should be thanking him for allowing my grandparents the time on this Earth. There will be a day when i can see my beloved grandparents but today is not the day so get over it and be thankful ! I never blame god, one day we will pass away too, do we blame god? So life is just fair and square. It's just how you see it = ]